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Quotations By The Bard*

“When the paths of our lives have run their course, some memories will endure. It is my hope that somewhere within your treasury of fondest recollections, at least one of me, of us together, shall shine among the brightest.”

“I will dutifully follow my road to redemption all the way to my grave.
But there are some things there is just no accounting for . . .”

“As Jason pursued the Golden Fleece, The Bard’s quest to find his muse continues. And yet, some days―alone without even the Argonauts―his pen finds its way across the page. And the words it leaves in its wake take on a life of their own and carry him forward to some distant shore. A shore where he knows she listens and lies in wait.”

“If the Earth were made entirely of gold . . . gold would have no value. If every woman were right for you, Kenton . . . women would have no value. Hold out for the one that rocks your world. She’ll be worth more to your life than any amount of gold or diamonds you could ever come to call your own.” – Advice from Uncle Waldo in “Thoughts And Poems In The Key Of Love”

“I write in the shadow and spirit of Mark Twain and Bill Shakespeare. My greatest dream and aspiration is that they will laugh with me . . . and not laugh me out of the classroom.”

“Have pen . . . will travel.”

“In the words of a famous clown I once had the pleasure of knowing, ‘We are all actors in a grand play. We can choose to be either happy or sad performers.’ I choose ‘happy’!” I made that clown a promise I would do my part to make people smile. Again, I hope this does that much for you.” (From “About The Bard O’ The Woods)

“Every bridge I burned was a National Historic Monument.”
(From Venus Wore Red Ball Jets)

“Truth is often best received when delivered in the simplest, most innocent format possible. More often from the guy next door than the narcissistic, erudite deeply entrenched in their ivory towers.”
From Dumbass to Genius
(By Way of A Thousand Kicks in the Ass)

“Freedom is always forged by lead. Sharp tongue, sharp pen. … And steel. Like Bowie’s knife.”
(From Not The Pacifist)

“Let the wine blush–but keep a straight face when he asks you that. Everyone has a past and that’s not something you have to share if you don’t want to.” (From Princess Xanax And The Ride to Kalispell)

“A good story told well is a fine thing. A great story well told well is bankable.
But a story like Shakespeare, Twain and Hemingway told … well that’s a gift from God, brother.”

“Any fool can die. Try to live a life worth living.”

“Time is an undefeated champion. It has not even fought to a draw . . . But you still get in the ring with it and do your best to pull an upset.”


“Don’t just embrace the crazy, sidle up next to it and lick its ear.”- Jim Wright


“If my friends, encounters and the world at large were to submit to this advice, I would be made to feel like one whose head was slathered in maple syrup and tied down in a whelping box with a dozen month old Labrador Retrievers.” – DKH


“I have found the portal to the 4th dimension which allows us to go through the wormhole, into another universe. Ours is not the only one. There is a parallel universe where all the characters are animated and Deputy Dawg is God.”

“Seems to me there is not much difference between heartburn and a broken heart. Initially they feel almost identical. The only real difference is, there is a pill you may take for the first malady. For the second . . . the only real cure seems to be what got you sick in the first place.”

“Better to come to love to last late then love too fast then lost.”

My doctor told me I needed a brain scan. Seriously. I told him, “They look in my brain, they’re gonna see Hemingway and General George S. Patton seated at a small table doin’ shots and arguing over who gets to tell me what to do next.”

*(All quotes are by Don Kenton Henry unless credited by name to someone else.)


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