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Here’s To You Professor Beidenbender

By Don Kenton Henry

Professor Beidenbender, my high school science teacher, created a cat food aphrodisiac which made cats absolutely irresistible to mice and a perpetual motion engine fueled only by water. Convinced of the latter’s failure, he threw himself and it into the Wabash River, only to have it run fifteen miles to Logan’s Port before becoming hung up in the rapids. With his drowning, the blueprints were purchased by Exxon Oil and deep-sixed.
Was it his “piece de resistance” or mine, as a mortician’s assistant, that he sat in the back row at his own funeral?

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